I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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