You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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