What a fucking waste of an outfit
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
