It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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