the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
