is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
