I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
