Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
