Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
