The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
