I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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