I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
