i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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