Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
