we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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