She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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