some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
