can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
