The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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