Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
