they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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