Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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