he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
