I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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