fuck your aforementioned shoe
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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