His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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