how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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