in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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