So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
