I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize