I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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