you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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