i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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