why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
