yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
