I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
