Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize