I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
