ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just cut my nipple shaving
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
