I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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