All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
