Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
