Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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