Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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