Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
