Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
