is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
God, I missed his penis.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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