You just made me feel so damn special
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
