I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
