It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
