...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
