Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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