i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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