Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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