C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
