She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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