Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
