listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
