I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
