How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
