I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
