she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize