i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
only you would photoshop your dick
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize