You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
