wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
