i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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