At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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